Category: Entertainment

Posted on

Early Leaked Video of Supermassive Black Hole

At the center of every large galaxy is a space where nothing can escape, otherwise known as a black hole. Since they were first theorized, black holes have been a topic of fear and intrigue for scientists and laymen alike. An enormous void which sucks up all surrounding matter, after all, is enough to frighten the most intelligent scientists and even the bravest warriors.

Considering the fact that any nearby light is devoured by a black hole, obtaining any image or video had been a near impossible task. However, The Event Horizon Telescope (EHT) Project, a global initiative whose goal is to obtain information about black holes, has found a way to achieve what was previously unimaginable.

“The Event Horizon Telescope is a global network of synchronized radio observatories that work in unison to observe radio sources associated with black holes with angular resolution comparable to their event horizons.” https://eventhorizontelescope.org/

Using a collection of observations from two years we now finally have video footage of a supermassive black hole. While there is very much that is still unknown about black holes, this is an enormous step in a positive direction.

Here is a leaked first look at real footage of a supermassive black hole.

Posted on

Conor McGregor Challenges Bus Before Retiring

On March 26, 2019, beloved actor and baseball star Conor McGregor published his unofficial statement of retirement from MMA.

The sudden announcement left fans bothered and confused, many speculating it just to be a tactic to stay relevant in the media. Regardless of his intentions, however, McGregor has always been one to exit the scene with style. Shortly after his announcement, he reached out once more to say that before departing from the UFC he would be challenging his most formidable opponent in the octagon, a bus.

“The only reason I lost my first fight against that bus was because the cops showed up.  Well I’ve been training for months and this fucker don’t know what he’s got coming for him.”

McGregor, referring to the bus he assaulted in April, 2018, has been preparing heavily for the coming fight. Reportedly, His training mostly consisted of punching wrecked cars in a local junkyard and drinking beer. Despite the vehicle having a clear technical advantage with a solid metal exterior and an engine that can travel over 80mph, McGregor believes he will undoubtably leave victorious.

According to UFC officials, a two-mile-long octagon ring will be built to accommodate for the bus driver. The vehicle is confirmed to be fully functional during the fight and will be driven by famed NASCAR racer, Jeff Gordon. While in the ring, McGregor will not be permitted to enter the vehicle and Gordon will be armed in preparation for when he does.

Posted on

Dinosaurs Are Back and They’re Pissed at Steven Spielberg

Paleontologists and a questionable cult have recently teamed up to resurrect dinosaurs. Though this breakthrough presented us the opportunity to gain knowledge about dinosaurs we otherwise would have never discovered, the revival came with one unintended complication. Upon bringing the dinosaurs back to life, it appeared that they also were gifted with the ability to speak. While this initially came as a shock, experts quickly remembered how bizarre it was that dinosaurs were resurrected to begin with and carried on with their research.

Studies began with top researchers asking the dinosaurs a variety of important questions. Upon receiving answers to their respective questions, it was found that the stegosaurus was an atheist, the pterodactyl felt that his resurrection was cruel and unnatural, and the Tyrannosaurus Rex was very insecure about his pathetically tiny, tiny, little arms.

The following phase of the study was intended to test the dinosaurs’ abilities in critical thinking. In preparation, they were escorted from the lab to a large, empty room, where they were presented carefully selected movies. The first two films, The God Father and Happy Feet, were very well received by the dinosaurs. When asked to explain what they liked about the movies, the dinosaurs provided incredibly insightful feedback, having exhibited appreciation to symbolism and foreshadowing. However, after showing them Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park, an unexpected rampage ensued. In their frenzy, the dinosaurs busted out of the room and destroyed several important science machines and expensive computers. Eight scientists were also killed.

Once the turmoil came to a natural end, the T-Rex apologized on behalf of the dinosaurs for their tantrum. He proceeded to calmly express that he wasn’t appreciative of how dinosaurs were portrayed in the film.

“I understand that we didn’t exist during the same era, but by no means does that imply that you can tarnish our good reputation. Believe it or not, we are much more sophisticated than we are as depicted in Jurassic Park. My colleagues and I have a few choice words for this ‘Spielberg’ character.”, the T-Rex said.

The dinosaurs are currently enrolled in a 3-week anger management seminar. As soon as they graduate, however, they plan to stampede their way to Hollywood and share their concerns with Steven Spielberg in hopes for a remake.

Posted on

TRAGIC: Local Good Boy Passes Away After Eating His Very First Cigarette

23-year-old Daniel Flores was reported dead on the night of August 28. Flores had always been a good boy. He made it his weekly duty to attend church every Sunday, had been known to stay out of trouble and did not easily succumb to peer pressure. On Tuesday, August 28, Flores found himself hanging out with some bad eggs, not his usual crowd. This group rarely attended church, and most graduated from their respective colleges with a C average at best, likely due to drinking alcohol and skipping prayers. As evening rolled by, the group made their way to a bar in downtown Austin, TX, where they were surrounded by poorly raised, pot smoking, alcoholic deadbeats. Flores ordered chicken tenders and Pepsi, as good boys should, while the rest of the group spent their money on the devil’s water. After a couple of drinks, one of the boys pulled from his pockets a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The box got passed around the bar until it ultimately found its way into Flores’ innocent hands. Being the good, church-going boy he was, Flores immediately declined, and dropped the box with disgust, spilling the remaining cigarettes on the table of the bar. In his attempt to then pick up a chicken tender from his basket, Flores accidentally grabbed a loose cigarette. He mistakenly ate the stick of poison, and, after looking at his basket, recognized that there were still the same number of tenders, but one cigarette was missing from the table. Realizing what he had done, Flores ran out of the bar in search for the nearest church, where he could go to confess his sin. However, in his disoriented state of panic, Flores forgot to look both ways before crossing 6th street and was hit by a white Prius. By the time the first responders had arrived, Daniel Flores was already diagnosed with death by a local bystander, which was confirmed shortly after by an actual doctor.

Posted on

Father Dunks on Son Then Pursues Career in NBA

After destroying his 8-year-old son in a friendly pickup game, accountant and family man David Anders quit his full-time job to pursue his aspiration of becoming a professional basketball player. When asked the final score of the game, Anders responded. “I mean, like, it wasn’t even close. This kid had the audacity to challenge me and didn’t even score a point. Not to brag, but, I even made him cry.”

Anders claims that he hasn’t had any luck getting drafted yet, but believes that it’s only a matter of time before The Knicks pick him up. He has spent the past two weeks harassing customers at high-end restaurants in NYC to play a game of basketball.

“Think about it like this. If you’re the owner of a multi-billion-dollar basketball team, are you gonna be wasting your time searching for unknown talent or are you gonna be blowing your money on expensive food and fancy cars?” Anders said.

Throughout his pursuit to join the NBA, David Anders has gotten banned from a total of four restaurants and has been served a divorce from his wife.