Paleontologists and a questionable cult have recently teamed up to resurrect dinosaurs. Though this breakthrough presented us the opportunity to gain knowledge about dinosaurs we otherwise would have never discovered, the revival came with one unintended complication. Upon bringing the dinosaurs back to life, it appeared that they also were gifted with the ability to speak. While this initially came as a shock, experts quickly remembered how bizarre it was that dinosaurs were resurrected to begin with and carried on with their research.
Studies began with top researchers asking the dinosaurs a variety of important questions. Upon receiving answers to their respective questions, it was found that the stegosaurus was an atheist, the pterodactyl felt that his resurrection was cruel and unnatural, and the Tyrannosaurus Rex was very insecure about his pathetically tiny, tiny, little arms.
The following phase of the study was intended to test the dinosaurs’ abilities in critical thinking. In preparation, they were escorted from the lab to a large, empty room, where they were presented carefully selected movies. The first two films, The God Father and Happy Feet, were very well received by the dinosaurs. When asked to explain what they liked about the movies, the dinosaurs provided incredibly insightful feedback, having exhibited appreciation to symbolism and foreshadowing. However, after showing them Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park, an unexpected rampage ensued. In their frenzy, the dinosaurs busted out of the room and destroyed several important science machines and expensive computers. Eight scientists were also killed.
Once the turmoil came to a natural end, the T-Rex apologized on behalf of the dinosaurs for their tantrum. He proceeded to calmly express that he wasn’t appreciative of how dinosaurs were portrayed in the film.
“I understand that we didn’t exist during the same era, but by no means does that imply that you can tarnish our good reputation. Believe it or not, we are much more sophisticated than we are as depicted in Jurassic Park. My colleagues and I have a few choice words for this ‘Spielberg’ character.”, the T-Rex said.
The dinosaurs are currently enrolled in a 3-week anger management seminar. As soon as they graduate, however, they plan to stampede their way to Hollywood and share their concerns with Steven Spielberg in hopes for a remake.